Another Year, Another Time to Try Again.

I came to the realisation the other week that while I'm miserable and hate my working conditions and my family sitch, I don't need to make it worse on myself by also making myself miserable about my size and the fact that I don't fit into my clothes.  In fact, out of the big 3, this is the one I have the most control of.  So I should control it, and be responsible for it. 

I'm gonna get a hold of this eating sensibly and moving meaningfully business.  

I've started relogging in my MFP diary, and I sat down this weekend to foodplan what I was going to eat for each meal & when I was going to cook what. 
     Not gonna lie, it took a while.
   
Thinking about what I wanted when was time consuming.
     I had trouble thinking so far ahead to Thursday & Friday.  I wrote the meal plan out on a sheet of paper, with a basic idea of what I was going to eat for breakfast, morning tea, lunch & dinner.  For example, tonight for dinner I am having tortellini with a spinach based pasta sauce.  I sat down and planned out (as best I could) for a whole week in advance.  Probably took me over 60 minutes.  I got distracted or frustrated along the way too.
     Writing the specific details into my (paper) food diary wasn't too bad.  That only took about 15 minutes for the whole week, given I had to flip back and forth between pages as I realised that I would need to create a recipe for the green sauce, so I needed to list the ingredients for that.  I keep a paper food diary in a notebook so I have somewhere to write down how much everything weighs.  This is especially useful for when I am creating my own recipes and I don't measure out my quantities in something as arbitrary as 'cups' when the food I am eating isn't liquid, like a stir-fry.
     I would love to know how people know how many cups of food they've cooked without ladelling their whole dish from one container to another 1 cup at a time.  For me it's easier to create a 'recipe' listing the raw weights of the ingredients, weigh the whole thing when it's finished, and then create portions based on 100g serving sizes.  Then, when I do weigh out how much I've eaten, like 335g, I know it's 3.35 servings.    I find it a quicker process.
     It was entering everything in advance in MFP that was trying.  Nearly 1.5 hours to enter a week's worth of logging in advance.  I did it though, so that when it came time to log the weight, I could save time during the week, by already having the ingredients/foods already entered and I wouldn't have to search for everything.  It was quicker on my phone too, than the webpage.  Recipes were easier to do on the computer, but everything else went through the phone. 

On Saturday I went to a butcher to get quality mince and chicken breasts.  I shopped at a Fruit & Vege grocer first, before going to Coles to get everything else I needed.  For the first time in a while, I set myself a food budget, and I think I stuck to it.  <--- This is another much needed motivation.  I was finding myself going through Drive-throughs and spending $20-25 for a meal, sometimes three times a week.  I don't have that much free money to just throw away. 

I decided to join MFP's April 2016 Running Challenge.

I have never really paid attention to how much I walk in a month, so I set myself a fairly low goal of walking 30 km this month (~18mi).  I'm trying for consistency more than I am concentrating on distance.

I always start out with good intentions, and walk 2-3 days in a row, and then... fizzle.  I get lazy.  Or find excuses like I don't have time, or I'm tired.  I'm trying to tackle that by taking the time to evaluate: am I physically tired, or mentally tired? Because there is definitely a difference and I need to work on recognising that, and not letting it get in my way.

I'm re-evaluating my goals.  I'm currently at 110kg and I wanted my first goal weight to be 90kg because that's the BMI cutoff between being obese and merely overweight.  I've stepped it back a fair bit and am going for 105kg, because that becomes the distinction between Obese Class II and Obese Class I.  I'll look into setting myself 5kg goals after that.

I've also measured 7 points around my body to keep a track of too, because it's not really about weight for me.  I honestly couldn't care if the scales said 400kg! It's the fact that I don't fit into clothes that really gets me down.  So taking (and writing down!) those measurements and entering them into my spreadsheet is going to happen the first Monday of every month.  I won't share them publicly I think, but I will be graphing them to see what happens.

Wed 8 July

The Bridge event was pretty cool.  VERY packed and busy though.  Apparently 20,000 people per session time (1.5 hrs).  At first I thought that 90 minutes would be plenty of time.  Nope!  We barely got the the end of the bridge bit and to the music by the time 70 minutes had passed.

There was a whole lot more food stalls and music stages and events that we didn't get to see because there was still so many crowds.  I missed out on the Filipino food stall, which I was most looking forward to.  I LOVE Filipino food.  Would have to be the best food from another culture, as far as I am concerned.  Love it.

The day care mum up the road from us when I was young, looked after me while mum was at work.  She had three kids of her own, plus there were I think four of us? that she looked after also, at various times and days.  Anyway, she was Filipino.  Whenever there was a family celebration for either her family, or her sister's family, they would all get together at Fe's house.  And there would be food.  Oh my word!  The biggest variety of noodles you've ever seen.  The best collection of barbecued meats.  Spring rolls.  Oh,  my mouth is watering even now.

Isn't it funny how food makes such an impression on us?  Whenever I meet someone who is Filipino (or at least half Filipino) I always comment on how they must eat the best food at home.  They always agree.  Sometimes, I think it is to be polite, but a lot of them are genuinely pleased and agree wholeheartedly!

So, I missed out on Filipino food, simply because I didn't get to wander down the bridge far enough.  Where I did wander to though, I found the food that was my second most-looking-forward-to food:
Lángos.

Not my hand by the way, just a pic I nabbed from Google images.  URL credit in the alt-text (hover text). I just wanted to give you an idea of the size of what I was talking about.
My langos didn't have anywhere near this much cheese by the way!  Mine was topped with a sort of tabbouleh mix of parsley, red cpasicum, red onion, garlic, sour cream and a generous sprinkling of cheese (about 1/3 of the amount shown here!)

It's a Hungarian fried dough-bread thing.  I have no good way to describe it.  Google pages tell me it's "Hungarian Pizza", while every time I've eaten it, stall signage has always called "Hunagarian garlic bread".  Whatever it is exactly, it is delicious!  Garlic is right.  I don't know whether it's in the batter, or just as a dressing, but, gosh I love it.  First came across it when I went to musical festivals in my youth.  I look out for it now ever since.  Yum!  I got one with the lot, which had a tabbouleh kind of mix of parsley, diced red capsicum,  diced red onion, garlic, sour cream and cheese.

I also managed in the course of the day to walk over 10,000 steps.  First day in a long time I've done that.
:-)

Still sick

Urgh... I am still sick.  This is so unusual for me.

I have a very set pattern for when I'm sick.  1 day of achy-tender skin, sore throat, fever, flu type symptoms.  1 day of coughing starting the day as a dry cough ending as a wet phlegm cough.  1 day of runny nose, that then ends up as a blocked nose and sinus build-up the next day, which just had me attached to a tissue box.  4 days, done and dusted.

This is different.  I'm still coughing.  Half choking.  I don't seem to be able to cough up whatever it is that's sitting in my chest.  So I have a sore throat from coughing, and pain in my chest from coughing.

I left the house today for the first time in days.  I had promised two weeks ago that I would go op shopping with my best friend, and I didn't want to let her down.  I'm known for cancelling on her all the time.  Usually for no good reason at all.  Just because I've had a freak-out and don't want to leave the house.  So I didn't want to cancel on her because I thought she would think that I was just bailing without a legitimate reason.

I'm glad I went out today.  I was able to pick up a nice stash of books to add to my collection - including what I swear must be the rarest book series possible to need to complete - The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper.  We had to read the first book 'Under Sea, Under Stone' as our year 8 English novel.  I loved it, and years later I discovered there were more to the series.  5 books in total.  Tracked down through various libraries.  Nearly impossible to buy.  But today I was able to buy the 5th book - the Silver on the Tree.  Not only that, but I managed to pick up the whole series in an omnibus edition.  It's fairly small print through, so I possibly won't get into it very often.  But it's nice to know it's there to read the whole series.

I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow about this being sick business.  Hopefully I'll get definite feedback about whether it's something that can be treated with antibiotics or if it's just bed rest.  To be honest, I I kind of want it to be bad enough that antibiotics are needed.  I've had enough of chicken soup, tomato juice and tea with lemon honey.  And I want to get something done in this last week of the holidays.  Not just spend two weeks at home because I'm sick.

7 April 2015

Still here. Still not losing any weight.  Still upset at myself for not trying.

It's Easter  break now.  10 days.

10 days to complete a to do list that has around 25 dot points.  Some more urgent than others. But a lot that definitely needs to be done.  Some of it house stuff, some of it health stuff.  Some of it looking after parent stuff.  Which I hate.  I swear I'm going to end up spending more time looking after her, than she ever had to look after me growing up.  If we were close maybe it would be different.  But my mother is a nasty bitter unpleasant woman and causes far more stress than is healthy for me.  And it never seems to end.

But back to my physical health.

I'm really really over being fat and overweight.  I just want to fit into clothes again properly.

I'm slowly working on the food issue.  I've worked out a fairly good system of making meals and freezing them.  I'm eating a form of dinner at work at 4 o'clock and then only fruit or crackers later at 7pm.   Now I've just got to get back on track with weighing and logging everything.  After all this time, I still find it a time consuming thing to do. It would probably work better if I took more time on Sunday to plan out and log my entire week in advance, just modifying where needed from where I deviated.  Yet another system to set up.  And stick to.

My whole life has been like this. I am full of ideas and plans and projects. I am a great starter of things but not a great finisher. I either get distracted or my enthusiasm wanes. I have so many incomplete hobbies and projects everywhere.  I wouldn't be surprised if they made up around 15-20% of all the stuff I own.  Which I'm still sorting through.  Which is yet another project to work on.  And I've already come up with yet another new project to do. And I can't let it rest until I have more time,or at least a better time because my enthusiasm will wane and I'll be left with this half finished project  that  wont get completed for another two  years.   *Rolls eyes*  This is the way I live my life. Every single day. Does this happen to anyone else? Is it fixable? Is it a learnt behaviour that can be unlearnt?

It's frustrating that's what it is.

Checkkit! I made bread!

:D

First time ever trying to make anything like this. I can't remember quite what inspired me to try/want to make bread, but it probably had something to do with making the most of the hot weather and the sun that streams into my study in the afternoons!

I remembered that I had some old packets of yeast in my baking cupboard.  They technically were Best Before 2011, but I did a yeast check and they foamed up fine so away I went.

I looked up a few recipes and decided to go with the Jamie Oliver Beginner Bread recipe.
http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/bread-recipes/basic-bread-recipe/

I was a bit concerned that the recipe asked for 1 kg of flour, so I decided I would downsize the recipe to 2/3 of what was called for, so I could try for a plain and a flavoured loaf.

After doing the yeast test, you needed to apparently work quickly. I managed to make a mess of the kitchen counter by breaking the well, but I got there in the end.

Started out with proofing the dough for 30 min for the first proof
Before:

 

After 30min of proofing in my study.  

 Check out the split in this dough - niiiiiice

Then, after a quick punch down, I split the dough into two.  Roughly equal. 1 - plain loaf and 2 - herb loaf

Plain Loaf  before second proof

 And after

 

 Then there's the herb loaf.  I ended up using a mixture of fresh and dried basil and dried thyme.

 

 AAAaaand... finished product. 

 

 

Although it smelt fantastic, and I really wanted to try some, I thought it was more important this first time to follow the recipe properly and let the bread cool all the way, to make sure that the cooking was complete.

Remember that this is the result from using 2/3 of what the recipe called for. and obvs I split it into two.  I'm curious what the full-size single loaf would look like.  Might try it next time, if I feel inspired about the bread baking.

I tasted them both this morning, and thought it turned out pretty darn well.  Yay for me :)  I think the herb was a little drier than I would have wanted, so that's something else to play around with next time I want to make bread.

Merry Tidings of Joy to you all

Okay. So I'm now at my mums place and already I've eaten things out of my diet plan.

Christmas is hard because 1 - Mum makes food that I don't normally eat. 2 - I have limited idea what the ingredients are and in what quantities.  3 - I won't be able to weigh out the amounts of what I eat, because we have guests over and it wouldn't be good manners to show them I'm trying to do something about my unhealthy size. *Sigh*

I'm also the taste tester.  Not voluntarily but because I'm the only one. So much for watching every bite, lick and taste. ☺

There really isn't much to be done about it though is there?


Well, there is something that I can do right? I can keep exercising.  Over the last week I've been getting better at getting into the routine of getting up in the morning and going for a 3km walk.  I even got up this morning and went out.  Traversed some of the terrain that I used to wander as a teenager.  Made me realise just how much I used to walk everywhere...!

I'm in the process of coming up with my new years resolutions. As usual most of them are health and fitness based.  Joining a gym is high up there.  Need to do some research though because I'm going to be in split locations next year, spending time in two different suburbs.   I'm thinking one of those 24 hour gyms where you join one - you join 'em all type deals.  Hoping that all the specials for gym membership come up soon.

Anyhow, we're about to have our Christmas Day breakfast.  Leftovers yay!

Merry Christmas, Joyeux Nöel, Szczęśliwego Bożego Narodzenia and Feliz Navidad.

You know it's hot when...

It gets to 6 in the evening and you realise you haven't eaten anything all day   :S

Seriously.  I've been drinking lots of fluids, but I don't recall actually eating anything yet.  Lol.  Maybe my body knows that eating food will just mean my metabolism will create heat energy.  And it's just too hot for that today?  Who knows.  The prediction was for 40*C, but I think we only got to 38*C (100.4*F).  It certainly didn't feel as hot as 40*C (104*F). 

Oh wait!  I've nibbled at bits and pieces today.   So I haven't gone completely food free.  I'll tell you more in just a minute...


We have a long weekend this week because of the G20 summit. 

I have seriously never known my neighbourhood to be so quiet!  There was lots of media noise about Brisbane being a ghost town and I would have to agree.  It was actually kind of eerie.  I live in an inner city suburb - normally there's lots of movement and action and noise.  Friday it was silent.  So strange.

Instead of getting out of town, like most of the people must have done, I chose to stay at and get some things done at home.  Namely cooking.

That's right.  I chose to spend a weekend when the temperature was 35+ both days, in the kitchen with the oven on or the stove going.  Often both at the same time. 

Why?  Because I'm crazy.  : /

No, of course not really. But I needed to make hay while the sun shone.  And my hay making was getting myself organised meal-wise.  I've noticed the past few weeks I've been busy, both during the week and the weekend.  So busy that I've been neglecting to eat properly.  I've been grabbing lunch from a local greasy spoon often backing that up with some form of takeaway for dinner.  Or worse: ice-cream for dinner.  O_O  So, I realised that had to change.  So I took the opportunity this weekend to cook ahead some foods to keep in the freezer.

      Oh Yeah!  Did I say?  I bought that upright freezer I'd been thinking about back in October.  The Good Guys had a model that was going on clearance.  Whilst originally a few litres smaller than I was thinking about - for half the price of similar sizes, I wasn't going to be choosy!  Only paid $445 for a 180L freezer.  Bargin!

 I made:

• Mexican Mince - My take on chilli con carne.  I dose it up with cabbage, grated zucchini, grated carrot, spinach and 5 bean mix, on top of the mince, onion & tin tomato.
• Mushroom & Bacon quiche - with light shortcrust pastry, light sour cream, zucchini and shallots.  The bacon I use are those cubed bacon bits.
• Chicken & Mushroom quiche - using leftover roast chook.
• Devilled sausages - Look ma, no packet mix!  Added carrot for extra vege.
• Chicken Curry Pasta Bake - this I used a jar of curry simmer sauce for.  I added some grated zucchini for extra vege.
• Peanut Satay stir-fry - chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, onion, celery, carrot, zucchini, green capsicum, green beans
• Beef stroganoff - again, not using a packet mix.  Lots of mushroom.  Steak, zucchini. 
• Creamy tomato sauce & filled pasta - you know, using those fresh filled pastas?  Angiolotti, ravioli, and so on.  And apart from using the most vegetably tomato pasta sauce I can (I LOVE Five Brothers' Summer Vegetables pasta sauce!) I add in (have you guessed?) grated zucchini and carrot.  

Not bad for a weekend's work, right?  And some of those I have already portioned up with a side of frozen vege.  So all I have to do is take a plastic carton from the freezer, defrost it and nuke it, and tuck in!

I am also going to get a salad mix going too.  Red cabbage, lettuce and baby spinach.  Chop/Shred a big bowl of it and put it in a ziplock bag - grabbing some to add to lunch each day, or as a side with dinner.  I came up with this salad mix a few years ago and I tore through it like there was no tomorrow.  It became the base for other salads that I adapted from day to day.  Sometimes adding cold brown rice, or carrot, or beetroot slaw, or cucumber, or whatever I had handy.  I even adding dressing some days, other days I didn't.  I'm hoping that I get a similar reaction this year.  I figure because I haven't done it for a few years, I'll be all excited and "why did I ever stop doing this?  This is fantastic!"  Lol. 

In any case, being busy this weekend cooking food, washing dishes (!) and portioning food, I ended up only eating the scrappy bits left over in the cooking dish in order to clean them up before dumping them into the sink.

So, with that in mind, it seems about time for me to portion up the next chunk of cooking.  That Mexican Mince is still really warm and I finished cooking it at 4pm.  !  That's how hot it is here.  O_O 

And I'm going to put on some rice so I can have the stirfy for dinner.  With a side of salad.

I want to scream until my throat is raw

Pardon for tones of heavy metal in the post title.  \m/

*WARNING:  this post gets pretty negative and moody*

This was going to be brief, but it turned out to be long.  And cranky angry : (  But I need to say this to someone out loud as it were.  And honestly, it's related to how I'm going at the moment.

So, no further progress with anything much lately.  Still haven't finalised any plans for another 5K.  Looked up a fair few, but am not committing to anything unless I know A) I can go and B) I can complete the couch to 5k training program.  Still haven't made it to the pool.  Haven't managed to get up early enough to Zumba for the last few weeks.  Only yesterday did I finally make it to the shops to buy decent food to make decent dinner.

Biggest thing that has thrown a spanner in the works?  My mum.  She's just had hand surgery and is still recovering.  And because we have no other family, I'm the one that has to look after her.  Which really kind of sucks.  Doing things like washing the dishes, washing clothes, ironing, vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing the shower, opening jars, and so on.  All those things that, you know, you need your hands for?

What sucks even worse is that I. am. a. terrible. person.  I am selfish and immature and childish.  You know why? Because I feel sulky and resentful that I have to do these things.  I am annoyed and upset and angry that I have to give up my holidays in order to look after her. 

My holidays are the one time I get to do things that I put off doing during work times because I never seem to have the time to do all my work reports, and client prep, and self-study plus do the things that everyone else seems to have a grip on.  Like organising car insurance, or upgrading my mobile phone (finally am ready to move to a smartphone.  Oh!  And change from pre-paid to postpaid contract), or organise for my laptop to be repaired.  I need to call the taxation office.  Shop for "big ticket" items (multi-function rice/slow cooker versus normal slow cooker?  Upright freezer?  The phone handset again needs research).  My car is well overdue for a service, I'm starting to notice the smell of oil when I drive (I've done 1000km over the 'service due on' date).

All this stuff I am trying to do in 6 days instead of the 15 days I had planned on.  It's all broken up too, so I'm driving back and forth a lot.  : (  I also wanted this time to be a kickstart once more for getting my food journalling and logging back on track.  2 weeks where I didn't have to answer to anyone but me?  Perfect time to get into a rhythm and routine, so that when I went back into work, it would be more likely that it will stick as good habit.  I'm trying to create a timetable/time budget so I know when I am working, sleeping, studying, working on personal projects (like exercising regularly), and doing day-to-day normal stuff like vacuuming or washing. 

It shouldn't be this hard to do all this.  But it is.  And the stupid thing about all this anger is really, of all the times that mum's surgery could have been scheduled, the holidays are the best time.  Because I do have time to go and help her.  Instead I would be trying to fit driving to her place every evening (she lives 85km/52 mi away) in peak hour traffic, so a 1 hour journey becomes a 1hr45min journey (if we're lucky).  Do all that she needs me to do, and then of course, driving back at 10pm.  And somehow get myself organised for work the nest day.  Or otherwise get the sulky treatment and be made to feel guilty because I just can't manage the time to go during the week, so I have to leave it to the weekends.  And yeah, yeah, no-one can "make you feel anything you don't want to".  Well *pthuuurpp* }: P I'm betting that person wasn't an only child, with an Eastern European Catholic parent.  They're well practiced at making you feel guilty for something you cannot help.  *wry smile*

And even though I could should be exercising all these bad thoughts away, I am eating instead.  I just ate an entire row of Arnott's Mint Slice (feeling somewhat sick from the sugar overload and guilt probably) and am about to sit down to an early dinner of roast chicken and roast vegetables.  I'm even eating the skin. 

I know I am way way over my calories today and there's some part of me that doesn't care.  The part of me that does care is making me log it all into my food journal and letting the world know.

*Le sigh*

-GloomyDuckling

Time, time, time; see what's become of me

Hi there!

Yes, I disappeared again.  

And it is for the obvious reason you assume – where I stopped caring, so I stopped trying, so I stopped eating good food and I stopped exercising, so I stopped logging food and exercise, so I stopped blogging about it.

I gained some weight back.  I was hovering around 98kg last time I blogged.  Nearly back at my starting weight!! Now, I’m closer to 102kg.  But that’s okay.  It’s not way up there near my all-time high - 108kg - it's just not where I want to be.  But, as I keep saying, “I can change that”.  And I do.  And I’m getting there slowly.  It’s lots of small steps forward, baby steps back, stumble forward again. 

What can I say, but that it is a work in progress?  I’m trying to instil new habits.  Some are sticking; some are slowly sliding off the wall like blu-tack in the summer.  

Something which seems to have stuck is waking up and getting out of bed every morning at 5am, when my alarm goes off.  As opposed to sleeping through it for the next hour & half.  I’m not a morning person. I never have been.  But, I do see the benefit of getting up early of a morning.  I seem to be able to get more done in my day when I’m up early.  And, I’d like to point out that it’s winter here, so getting out of bed when it’s dark and cold is not easy.  But, I’ve been able to do it.  For almost three months now I think?  Even when I’ve stayed away from home, I’ve been able to do it consistently.  

I also eat pretty much the same breakfast everyday now, and I make it the night before.  It’s my yoghurt-porridge thing.  “Overnight Oats” I think is the prevailing phrase on pinterest.

Not much else seems to have stuck.  Trying to get more fruit & vege in my day.  Trying to get enough water in my day.  Trying to get a chance to actually sit and eat during the day.  Trying to exercise everyday.  *Shrugs*  Gotta keep working on all of that.  

It all seems to come down to time, not having enough and not managing well the time that I do have.  And I think that’s one of the main factors that has influenced how I approach this blog and this weightloss/healthiness malarkey.  I struggle big time to fit some of the ‘basics’ in every day.  Eg: Food journaling - then logging in MFP, exercising – then loading that into Nike+, Daily weighing – then filing out my spreadsheet, or weightgrapher app… and so on.  I know that technically I don’t need to do all that, but when I do, it’s a system that works.  I’ve found that just simply writing my food down, without logging it, isn’t enough.  It doesn’t make that much of an impact to just see the food written on my page – I need to see the numbers to see if I’m going over or not.

And with time being my biggest factor, I think I have to be honest and say this: if it comes down to a choice between
                a) taking the time to do something about getting healthier, or
                b) write about what I’m going to do/have been doing…
I think actions need to speak louder than words.   

And so I haven’t blogged.  I’ve been doing some stuff – a fair bit, now that I think about it – but I haven’t taken the time to stop and think and write.

I’m going to keep this blog and keep updating it, however I dare say my posting will continue to be sporadic and filled with empty gaps.  I’ll more than likely only fill in what I have done in bursts and in the past tense.  I can fill you in, in a follow up post, what I have been doing and what my plans for the next little bit are… and that might be the last you hear of me for another month or so.

If you can put up with that, then I thank-you for your comments, encouragement and support.  If you feel you need to leave, then by all means, I wish you well.

Am I making any progress? Part 1

Hi there!

I pointed out, mmm... two three weeks ago that I was working on updating my weightloss table in the other tab? And yet I never got round to it.

But I want to assure you all that I have been working hard at losing weight.  It's been a long slow process, but I think I might be finally getting somewhere.

I made the decision at the start of the year that I was going to try (once again) to lose weight.  I reset my goals in MFP and used the opportunity of being on summer break to re-evaluate my lifestyle and get myself in order. 

I decided to do a few things differently.  One I've already talked about is going for a walk much more frequently.  I worked out that I should have at any time, at least 30 min to go for a walk, everyday.  I haven't been perfect, but there hasn't been a week that's gone by where I haven't been for a walk.  There have been days where I'm tired, and I don't wanna, but! I've laced up my shoes, and I've gone.  Go me.

I've even now worked out 4 definite routes of 3km (1.8mi).  Because they loop, I can instantly double it by switching directions - huzzah!  The reason I've chosen 3km is because my average walking pace is 10:25min/km, or just under 6km/hr -> googling a conversion calculator tells me this is... 16.76 min/mi and 3.58mph.  So therefore, I can 'spare' the half hour necessary to get a decent walk in, no matter how I'm feeling, or what the time of day is.

So that's One.

Two - I have stopped buying foods that I know I binge on.  Ice cream for example is a food that I can't keep in the house.  No matter how I buy it - 1L tubs, 250mL tubs, individual cornettos or magnums, I can't seem to pace it out.  I buy ice cream with the intention of eeking it out over weeks, and I end up consuming all I bought in 3 days.  That's not cool.  The same goes for some other foods too, like chicken kebab skewers.  I bake 8 at a time, with the intention of taking all the cubed meat and freezing it for lunches or salads... Nope.  They barely made it to the next morning.  

So... I can't have those foods right now.  But what I can have, I'm happy with.  Cake & donuts freeze really well.  I was surprised!  But they do.  I bought a little 'party cake' - along the size of a Madeira cake - that was to for 6 portions.  So I cut it up into 6 portions and wrapped it in alfoil and stuck it in the freezer.  If I want something sweet, I know it's there.
So that's an ongoing thing I'm learning and dealing with.

Three - I decided that if I don't lose weight and that this is it?  Oh well.  Too bad.  If I stay at this size forever, well, that's not something I'm overly happy about, but right now, it might have to do.  But there's certainly nothing stopping me from being healthy at this size.  I'm not really a proponent of HAES, but I do feel that I can make myself healthier - heart-wise and diet-wise.  So, that's what I'm concentrating on right now.  If I lose weight along the way, so much the better.

So that's progress, doncha think?  I hope it's progress.  It feels like progress in any case.

Incidental Exercise

Friday

In my effort to increase my fitness, I’ve been walking.  So far, I’ve been aiming for 30 minutes of walking everyday.  Well, that is, on the days that aren’t hot, humid, rainy, or I’m stuck at mum’s!  I missed all walks since Sunday actually, for all of those reasons.  The heat broke on Monday and we had the most terrific storm.  It rained pretty solidly for a few hours, but it wasn’t a heavy downpour – you know, torrential – it was just rain.  The best part was all the lightning and electrical activity.  That lasted well into the evening, so, I missed my opportunity on Monday.  Tue – Thurs saw me stuck at mum’s.  She’s broken her arm and I have to do a lot of things for her, which is a whole big list of chores and tasks.

So… that left today (Friday)!  And, to make up for it, I walked twice.  Isn’t that great?!  Okay, I’m cheating.  I technically did walk twice, but my total distance is equivalent to one walk. J  I needed to go to the supermarket because my fridge was empty.  Very empty.  So off I set with my backpack and reusable green bags.  Turns out my local suburban shopping centre – one which has an Aldi’s, Coles (another supermarket), a couple of ‘Bargain Bin’ shops, a homewares shop, some banks, a medical centre, chemist, newsagents, jewellers, etc – is only 1.7km (1 mi) from my house.  Took me around 18 min to walk one way at 11’05 min/km (I have NO idea how to convert that into some sort of imperial equivalent, sorry!).  I thought that was pretty good to be honest.  Then of course, I walked back.  Same distance, but with 3 bags of shopping.  Thank goodness I brought my backpack! I still ended up with two bags I carried, but they were things like bread or a pack of clothes pegs.  I weighed it when I got home:  on the return journey, I was carrying an extra 16.3kg of weight (36 lb)!!  Whoa!  That brought my total weight to around the 121kg mark (267.6lb). 

It was a bit slower going – 11’40 min/km – but not impossible.  It was uncomfortable to realise that if I wasn’t careful, I could be carrying that extra weight on my body everyday, but I would just learn to accept it and function with it.  So I cheered myself up by thinking that at some point in the future, this extra weight I’m carrying will be the weight I’ve lost. 

I also decided to lift the bags in my hands as I was walking – kind of pseudo dumbbells.  I would have said the bags were around 1.5-2kg (3.3-4.4lb).  Because of their awkward shape and dangly factor I couldn’t do proper curls, but I did sort of dumbbell rows? with them.  Google tells me they're called 'Upright Dummbell Row'.  Or actually, I think I was doing something that was in between a dummbell row and an upright curl.  I was pulling my arms back like so... 

http://fitjunky.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/woman_dumbbell_XSmall.jpg

But not by leaning forward.  Just standing upright.  

So, I don’t know if I actually was doing anything effective enough to exercise my arms, but I felt the muscles of my arms working together as I moved.  I dunno, I’m liking thinking it was doing something! :D

So, it looks like I have a way of getting in some ‘incidental exercise’ into my day/week.  If I ever have to do a big shop then I’ll take the car, but if I only need to pick up a few things for the next few days’ worth of cooking, then I’m going to work on it being on foot!  Might stop me from over spending too, if there’s a limit to how much I can carry back.

Oh!  But if I ever do get carried away, or get too lazy to walk on the way back, I can always catch a bus to my house, there are tonnes of busses that pass along the road to my stop. : D

There has got to be a better way...

On Sunday, I went grocery shopping.  My least favourite domestic chore.  Give me a room full of ironing instead.  A garden full of weeds.  A sink of dishes, or a clogged drain, or cobwebs, or a tank of scorpions, or dunking my hands in boiling oil or….  Sorry, got carried away there, didn’t I? :D 

(By the way, I take forever to get to the point in this post, so if you just want to read the “message” I got out of this experience, scroll down until you get to the purple writing)(but I’d be honoured if you read through the whole thing).

I find grocery shopping to be absolutely the most stressful task ever (yes, English teachers, I am hyperbolising).  I don’t know what it is, but it just doesn’t work for me.  I know the rules/strategies to make it smoother, and yet, NO.

·         I create a meal plan – for my dinners and lunches mainly.  I know my breakfast is going to be porridge or cereal. 

·         I shop my pantry & freezer first – what have I got that needs to be used up?

·         I scour the catalogues to see what’s on special

·         I write a list to buy just the things I need

·         I include on my shopping list what I’m making for meals in the week so I’m less likely to impulse buy.  (if it was on special and I wanted it, it would have been in the catalogue and made it onto my list already).  So when I'm looking at an aisle, and wondering why I've picked up an item, I check with my meal plan to see if I can aford or need to fit in the deviation.

·         I shop late in the day when there are less people around and more manager’s specials

·         I shop the perimeter of the store and stay out of the aisles when I can

·         I don’t shop hungry – I make sure I have eaten before I go.

I live on my own: I cook for one person.  I go shopping everyweek.  AND YET IT STILL TAKES ME OVER AN HOUR EACH TIME!!  This has always been a point of contention for me.  It takes me AN HOUR to shop for one person.  Each week!!  Argh!!  Exclamation points to make my feelings known!!

So, that’s enough backstory, right?  Sunday, grocery shopping, went with a list & meal plan.  

Now, I’m currently sitting a delicate balance between eating good healthy food and sticking to a budget.  I know lately that my shops have taken a little longer, because in the fresh produce section, I’m picking everything up, weighing it, then calculating the cost.  I keep a running total on my hand, so much so that by the end of my trip I look like this guy:

Well, my hand does anyway! I probably look a little odd for it, I'll be the first to admit.

I possibly also emanate a little whiff of ‘nutter’ by muttering to myself my sums.  $43-50, $43-50, 43-50, and then that’s $1.20, so I’m going to round that up to $1.50. 43-50 plus $1.50, 43-50 plus $1.50, that’s going to be ..... 45! 45,45,45,45.45,45...  All while walking back to my trolley and etc.

Sunday’s shop proved to be long and stressful as I was conscious of trying to stay within my budget (went over by $25).  By 5:40pm - mentally - I was done.  That was it.  I was tired and cranky and stressed and worried about getting home and cooking dinner and preparing lunch for Monday and still getting some reports finished for work the next day and ... ! I was over it.

Fifteen more minutes and I was finally in the last aisle.  And I admit, I was swayed by the ice-cream fridge as I walked past it.  Individual ice-cream cups of 200ml (6-7 oz? fl. oz?) were half price and only $1 each.  Bargain!  I could buy some to stock up and they could sit in my freezer and I could eat them in pre-decided portion amounts!  What could be neater?! (ß You can see where this is going right? Delusion City!!).  I’d been debating getting ice-cream anyway and at that price, who was I to resist?  (Mind you, I must have looked nuttier again as I got them, because the flavours I like best were at the very back of the top shelf.  Now, I’m tall, but I still had to stretch right up and then jump to get them.  I even had to use the tray they sit in to roll the very back ones forward.  I was determined to get that ice-cream!)  Now, as I walked back and forth with them, I started a conversation in my head. 

 KEEP READING FROM HERE!

I’m going to put the voice of ‘my conscience’ – my Jiminy Cricket as it were – in blue, to distinguish between the two sides of my conversation.

As I looked at the ice-cream, I said to myself: I want ice-cream. 

But then just as quickly, I asked myself do you really? Why? Why do you want ice-cream? The weather’s not even that warm.

I know, but I just want ice-cream.

But why?

I want something comforting.

I feel stressed and anxious and I want to feel better.

So... you don’t really want ice-cream do you?

… No, I just want something to make me feel better.

Is ice-cream going to be it?

Ice-cream will make me feel better

. . . 

No; it won’t. 

I’ll just feel like I’ve eaten ice-cream, but I won’t feel any better.  I’ll feel sick from having had too much sugar and I’ll still feel anxious and stressed about work tomorrow, but I won’t feel better for having eaten ice-cream.  I’ll also feel guilty onto top of anxious, because I’ve eaten food with meaningless calories.  I’ll have eaten it for no benefit. It’ll just be (fat) gain.

Well, what will make you feel better and less stressed?

Taking 15 minutes to meditate when I get back home

… And, it worked!  I got home, dumped the bags on the counter and before I even unpacked anything, I sat out on the balcony (it was a beautiful, still, balmy night), put in my earphones and played my favourite meditation tracks (5 minute mindfulness followed by a 10 minute progressive relaxation).  15 minutes later, I felt calmer and more settled.

I was ready to tackle dinner, and lunch and everything else I had to do. 

And I didn’t eat any of that ice-cream! 

All the tubs are still sitting in my freezer, ready for when I am ready to eat one because I’ve budgeted it into my daily calories.  Not because “I want something to make me feel better”.

And I’m going to remind myself of that each time I open the freezer looking for food:  Do you really want that, or do you just want something to make you feel better?